Bad Kitty vs Uncle Murray
To Neal
Contents
CHAPTER ONE
PUSSYCAT PARADISE
CHAPTER TWO
HIDE!
CHAPTER THREE
THE KITTY DIARIES
CHAPTER FOUR
UNCLE MURRAY STRIKES BACK
CHAPTER FIVE
CATCH THAT KITTY
CHAPTER SIX
KITTIES TO THE RESCUE
CHAPTER SEVEN
KITTY ON HER OWN
EPILOGUE
APPENDIX
Chapter One
Pussycat Paradise
Welcome, Kitty!
Welcome to Pussycat Paradise, where everything you see is made entirely out of FOOD—food for your belly!
The mountains are made out of kibble. The trees are made out of sausages and bacon. Cans of cat food grow out of the ground. And the grass is made out of catnip.
Yes, Kitty! Eat! EAT! Food is everywhere! The rocks are made out of turkey and giblets. The dirt is made out of tuna fish. Even the rivers flow with beef gravy.
And the best part, of course, is that YOU are the only one here! No dogs to hound you. No people to make you take a bath. There is no one else here. Only you.
Be careful, Kitty. Don’t touch that can. It’s the only thing holding up that gigantic chicken liver.
OH NO! TOO LATE! The gigantic chicken liver is going to fall! Look out, Kitty! LOOK OUT!!
Whoops!
Sorry, Kitty. I hope I didn’t wake you when I dropped the suitcase.
That’s right, Kitty. We’re going on a little trip. We’ll be gone for a while.
Sorry, Kitty. You’re not going with us. You’ll have to stay home with Puppy.
Oh, don’t be like that, Kitty. We’ll be back in just a week. And when we get back, we’ll have a REALLY BIG SURPRISE for you!
That’s right, Kitty. A REALLY BIG SURPRISE! You like surprises, don’t you?
In the meantime, Kitty, you won’t be alone. We found someone who’s going to stay here and feed you and take good care of you and Puppy while we’re gone.
In fact, that must be him!
Where did Kitty go? Oh, well. At least Puppy is excited to see who’s here.
It’s Good Ol’ Uncle Murray!
There you are, Kitty. Don’t you want to say “Hi” to good ol’ Uncle Murray?
No one ever talks about a “scaredy-giraffe” or a “scaredy-penguin” or even a “scaredy-dog,” but everyone’s heard of “scaredy-cats”! That’s because cats use fear as a very valuable tool for survival.
The average weight for a cat is only around 10 pounds. Imagine what your life would be like if you lived with someone who was almost TWENTY TIMES BIGGER than you! That’s what life is like for a cat living with a human being. Having good reflexes to avoid being stepped on or sat upon is very important.
But sometimes a cat’s fear of people can become exaggerated. Sometimes this happens when a kitten is raised without any human contact. It can also happen if a cat or a kitten has had a bad experience with a person.
It doesn’t matter. A cat’s instinct always tells her to be careful around people, especially strangers. The best way to get a cat to grow used to you is to be patient, be gentle, be quiet, and try not to take the cat’s reaction to you too personally.
And one more thing…Try not to make any sudden, loud noises. Cats hate that.
Bye, Uncle Murray! Thank you for taking care of Kitty and Puppy while we’re gone. We’ll see you in a week!
By the way, you have to really push hard on this door to close it. If you don’t, it won’t really shut properly.
Chapter Two
Hide!
Chapter Three
The Kitty Diaries
Chapter Four
Uncle Murray Strikes Back
Y’know, dog…when I was just a kid, I had a pooch a lot like you. He was a good dog, too.
I named him Sam, and I found him lost and hungry in an alley near where I lived. He was all white except for some black spots on his face and one of his back legs.
Anyways, I still had half a sandwich on me from lunch so I tossed it to him. Boy, oh, boy was he happy to get some food into his little dog belly. You’d think he hadn’t eaten anything in a year. It was just baloney, after all. No mustard, even.
I used my belt as a leash and put it around Sam’s neck. At first I thought he’d go crazy when I started to pull him, but he didn’t. In fact, he barked and licked my hand the whole way home.
But there was a problem. My mother wouldn’t let me keep Sam in the house ‘cause my baby sister was real allergic to dogs. I guess it was true, ‘cause she still is. I told my mom I would keep Sam only in my room, but she told me that wouldn’t really work. She was right.
So I did the only thing I could think of…I took little Sam to a dog shelter where they’d feed him and take good care of him.
They were real nice to Sam there. He had his own little cage, and there were lots of other dogs there for him to talk to. But the best part was that they said I could come visit him every day after school. So I did!
I went to visit Sam every single day, and each time he saw me he’d jump up and lick my face and wrestle me to the ground like he was sayin’ “Gee, I’m really happy to see you! Where’ve you been?”
Each day, I taught him a new trick. I taught him to sit and to stay. I taught him to beg and to roll over. I even taught him geography. NAHHH! I’m just kidding about that last one. But he really was smart.
Gee, Sam and I had a lot of fun together. Then one day I walked in and didn’t see him there.
A lady who worked at the shelter told me a family had come in just after I left the day before, fell in love with Sam, and took him home. She said they were real nice people and promised to feed him and take good care of him. But that didn’t help. I started crying like Niagara Falls. He may not have lived with me, but Sam was MY DOG!
I thought for sure that I’d never see little Sam again.
But then, one day, about a year later, as I was walking through the park, I looked over and saw a little girl playing with a dog that looked a whole lot like my Sam. He was all white except for some black spots on his face and one of his back legs. It was him! And they were having a swell time. Sam was even doing some of the same tricks that I taught him.
It hurt me so much inside to see this little girl playing with my dog. MY DOG. But then I looked at how much fun they were having and how happy he looked, and I thought to myself…all I ever really wanted for that lost, hungry dog sitting alone in that alley was for someone to take him home and feed him and take good care of him. Right? And that’s what I got.
I loved that dog, and now I knew that someone else loved that dog as much as me.
It’s not the vacuum cleaner that frightens cats so much as the sudden, loud noise it makes. Most cats will react quickly to any sudden, loud noise like a car horn, or a firecracker, or someone yelling.
Cats can hear very, very well—even better than dogs. In fact, a cat can hear three times better than a human being. That’s why a cat can hear a mouse rustling through the grass from 30 feet away. But it’s also why loud noises are particularly painful for cats. And that’s what inspires their fear.
Fear of loud noises is another survival tool for cats. If a little noise is a signal that something to eat might be nearby, then a very loud noise acts the same as a fire alarm held up next to their ears. And that means DANGER. And that means FIGHT or RUN AWAY.
When a cat is frightened, running away or hiding is a common response. But sometimes if a cat feels trapped or cornered, she’ll stand still while unusual things happen to her body.
First, all of the fur on her body will stand on end. Then th
e cat will arch her back up using all sixty of her vertebrae—humans have only thirty-four, by the way. This will make the cat look much bigger; a tactic it uses to intimidate its enemies. But the sign to be very aware of is when a cat has turned its ears back. A cat will do this when it feels like fighting back and wants to protect those sensitive ears. That is a clear sign to back away from a VERY angry cat that could attack you.
Chapter Five
Catch that Kitty
Chapter Six
Kitties to the Rescue
Chapter Seven
Kitty on her Own
Cats are independent animals. There’s no question about that. They’re very good at taking care of themselves in the wild. But when cats have become house cats, they usually become “bonded” with their owner.
When a cat becomes very close, even dependent on a human being for food or protection, that’s called “bonding.”
And sometimes when that bond is broken, even for just a little while, some cats might exhibit “separation anxiety.” Have you ever seen a baby begin to cry just because her Mommy has left the room for just a few seconds? That’s a good example of “separation anxiety,” and even cats can get it.
Leave cats alone for too long and they’ll start to cry out to see if anyone is in the house, just like a baby. Sometimes they’ll even lose their appetite and not eat. The most anxious cats will even pull out clumps of their own fur because of nervousness.
The solution for all fears is to let the cat gradually grow used to whatever scares them. Cats can adapt very quickly.
If a cat is afraid of people, keep your distance and step a little closer day by day while also letting her come to you under her own power. If your cat is afraid of loud noises, try to keep the sound down at first if possible, and then increase the exposure a little bit each day.
And if the cat is afraid of being alone, give her time to adjust as she learns that you’ll eventually return. She’ll hate being alone at first, but in time she’ll learn that there’s nothing to be afraid of once you keep coming back.
Epilogue
Thank you so much, Uncle Murray, for taking such good care of Kitty and Puppy. I know they can be a real handful. I hope they weren’t too much trouble.
What did you say, Uncle Murray?
Hmmm…Oh, well. Goodbye, Uncle Murray. And thanks again.
HI, KITTY!
Did you miss us?
Awwww! We missed you, too, Kitty!
HEY! Do you remember that REAL BIG SURPRISE we promised you? Do you? DO YOU?!
Well, here she is!
Appendix
A Selection of Phobias
A “phobia” is a strong fear of a specific object or a specific situation. Most of the time the fear is irrational, meaning that the person who has the phobia really has nothing to fear. For instance, a boy might be afraid of worms (Scoleciphobia), but that doesn’t mean the boy has any real reason to be afraid of worms, other than he thinks they’re scary and doesn’t want them anywhere near him.
Ten percent of the people who live in the United States have a phobia. That’s over thirty million people! This means that phobias are very common and nothing to be ashamed of.
We’ve seen a lot of different examples of fear in this book. The following is a small selection of the more than five hundred known phobias.
Agrizoophobia—Fear of wild animals.
Ailurophobia (also, Elurophobia)—Fear of cats.
Amychophobia—Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Cynophobia—Fear of dogs.
Ligyrophobia (also, Phonophobia)—Fear of loud noises, also, fear of voices or one’s own voice.
Lilapsophobia—Fear of hurricanes or tornadoes.
Monophobia (also Autophobia)—Fear of being alone.
Olfactophobia (also, Osmophobia)—Fear of smells or odors.
Peladophobia—Fear of bald people.
Phagophobia—Fear of swallowing, eating, or being eaten.
Pnigophobia—Fear of being choked or smothered.
Teratophobia—Fear of monsters.
About the Author
NICK BRUEL has written and illustrated some pretty funny books, including Poor Puppy, Boing, Bob and Otto, Little Red Bird, and Who is Melvin Bubble?, winner of the North Carolina Children’s Choice Award. HOWEVER, he is probably best known as the author of the Tennessee, Wyoming, and Indiana Children’s Choice Award winner Bad Kitty (available in regular and special Cat-Nipped editions), about which some very important people said:
“Perhaps the hammiest, most expressive feline ever captured in watercolors.”
—Kirkus Reviews, starred review
“Will have youngsters howling with laughter.”
—Publishers Weekly, starred review
He is also infamous for his Bad Kitty chapter books, Bad Kitty Gets a Bath (winner of a 2009 Gryphon Honor), and Happy Birthday, Bad Kitty. Visit him online at www.nickbruel.com.
Copyright © 2010 by Nick Bruel
A Neal Porter Book
Published by Roaring Brook Press
Roaring Brook Press is a division of Holtzbrinck Publishing Holdings Limited Partnership
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010
www.roaringbrookpress.com
All rights reserved
Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress.
ISBN: 978-1-4299-9180-3
Nick Bruel, Bad Kitty vs Uncle Murray
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